Having hope requires that I know what I want MAY happen, and it may not. Having hope requires that I leave myself open to being disappointed, and in the case of infertility, that means being disappointed over and over and over again, month after month. It is not an easy task to hold on to hope, but that is what our Lord calls us to.
Today is the feast of the Nativity of the Theotokos, the birth of the Virgin Mary. I had never seen the icon for this feast before, but when we went to church last night to celebrate the feast, I studied it the entire time.
Yesterday was our first meeting with Dr. Wilson, the local NaPro technology specialist. She explained that 70% of NaPro patients are experiencing secondary infertility, which made me feel a bit less alone. Isn't it amazing that just knowing there are other people out there who share your struggles makes it easier to hold on to hope?
That is why I couldn't take my eyes off of the icon for today's feast. Joachim and Anne are depicted with gray hair...they were very old by the time that Mary was born. It must have been so difficult for them to wait for a child, but God had a plan. I'm sure that their wait for a child was just as painful as mine, but they faithfully persisted in prayer and hope.
I wish that I could say the same about my journey. My family and friends know that I have not always carried this cross gracefully. Meeting with Dr. Wilson encouraged me though. In the next month, I will go have blood drawn every other day for about three weeks to do a complete hormone profile. We have a plan for the next eighteen months that for me, breaks the journey into manageable pieces. That gives me hope. But, not just hope in what I want, but hope in a plan that God has for our family.
Kontakion of the Feast
Through your holy birth, O Immaculate One, Joachim and Anne were delivered from the shame of childlessness, and Adam and Eve from the corruption of death. Your people redeemed from the debt of their sins, celebrate your birth crying out to you: the barren one gives birth to the Mother of God, the Sustainer of our life.
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