but for my struggling friends as well...
Although I have lived through much darkness ... I have seen enough evidence to be unshakably convinced that no difficulty, no fear is so great that it can completely suffocate the hope that springs eternal in the heart of the young ...
Do not let that hope die! Stake your lives on it! We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures; we are the sum of the Father's love for us and our real capacity to become the image of His Son.
Pope John Paul II
World Youth Day, Toronto 2002
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Hope
I decided today that hope is hard.
Having hope requires that I know what I want MAY happen, and it may not. Having hope requires that I leave myself open to being disappointed, and in the case of infertility, that means being disappointed over and over and over again, month after month. It is not an easy task to hold on to hope, but that is what our Lord calls us to.
Today is the feast of the Nativity of the Theotokos, the birth of the Virgin Mary. I had never seen the icon for this feast before, but when we went to church last night to celebrate the feast, I studied it the entire time.
Yesterday was our first meeting with Dr. Wilson, the local NaPro technology specialist. She explained that 70% of NaPro patients are experiencing secondary infertility, which made me feel a bit less alone. Isn't it amazing that just knowing there are other people out there who share your struggles makes it easier to hold on to hope?
That is why I couldn't take my eyes off of the icon for today's feast. Joachim and Anne are depicted with gray hair...they were very old by the time that Mary was born. It must have been so difficult for them to wait for a child, but God had a plan. I'm sure that their wait for a child was just as painful as mine, but they faithfully persisted in prayer and hope.
I wish that I could say the same about my journey. My family and friends know that I have not always carried this cross gracefully. Meeting with Dr. Wilson encouraged me though. In the next month, I will go have blood drawn every other day for about three weeks to do a complete hormone profile. We have a plan for the next eighteen months that for me, breaks the journey into manageable pieces. That gives me hope. But, not just hope in what I want, but hope in a plan that God has for our family.
Kontakion of the Feast
Through your holy birth, O Immaculate One, Joachim and Anne were delivered from the shame of childlessness, and Adam and Eve from the corruption of death. Your people redeemed from the debt of their sins, celebrate your birth crying out to you: the barren one gives birth to the Mother of God, the Sustainer of our life.
Having hope requires that I know what I want MAY happen, and it may not. Having hope requires that I leave myself open to being disappointed, and in the case of infertility, that means being disappointed over and over and over again, month after month. It is not an easy task to hold on to hope, but that is what our Lord calls us to.
Today is the feast of the Nativity of the Theotokos, the birth of the Virgin Mary. I had never seen the icon for this feast before, but when we went to church last night to celebrate the feast, I studied it the entire time.
Yesterday was our first meeting with Dr. Wilson, the local NaPro technology specialist. She explained that 70% of NaPro patients are experiencing secondary infertility, which made me feel a bit less alone. Isn't it amazing that just knowing there are other people out there who share your struggles makes it easier to hold on to hope?
That is why I couldn't take my eyes off of the icon for today's feast. Joachim and Anne are depicted with gray hair...they were very old by the time that Mary was born. It must have been so difficult for them to wait for a child, but God had a plan. I'm sure that their wait for a child was just as painful as mine, but they faithfully persisted in prayer and hope.
I wish that I could say the same about my journey. My family and friends know that I have not always carried this cross gracefully. Meeting with Dr. Wilson encouraged me though. In the next month, I will go have blood drawn every other day for about three weeks to do a complete hormone profile. We have a plan for the next eighteen months that for me, breaks the journey into manageable pieces. That gives me hope. But, not just hope in what I want, but hope in a plan that God has for our family.
Kontakion of the Feast
Through your holy birth, O Immaculate One, Joachim and Anne were delivered from the shame of childlessness, and Adam and Eve from the corruption of death. Your people redeemed from the debt of their sins, celebrate your birth crying out to you: the barren one gives birth to the Mother of God, the Sustainer of our life.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
What I know
I know that...
I love the Lord and His Church.
I love my husband with all my heart and we have a marriage made in Heaven.
I love my children and do everything that I can to help them. I want them to be beautiful, bright, kind girls who know and love the Lord and His Church.
I could not get by without the loving support of my family, especially my mom and dad who have never let me down.
I know that God loves me and will provide for me, He always has. But, it continues to be the things that I don't know that are really getting to me...
How do I ensure that I'm doing everything "right" as a parent?
How do I instill a love for the Catholic Church in my children so they never leave?
When will we be able to move closer to family, church, and school for the girls?
But in particular, will we ever be able to have more children? What is God's plan for our family? These questions weigh me down more than I ever dreamed was possible. Sometimes the grief of infertility overwhelms me. (I don't even like to say the word!)
I believe that God will provide for me...but what if His plan isn't the same as mine? And how do I conform my will to His?
I want to. I know that I want to do God's will. That I want to happily, peacefully, follow my Lord wherever He takes me.
So, that will be my new prayer. That the Lord would conform my heart to His.
Make me more like you, Lord.
I love the Lord and His Church.
I love my husband with all my heart and we have a marriage made in Heaven.
I love my children and do everything that I can to help them. I want them to be beautiful, bright, kind girls who know and love the Lord and His Church.
I could not get by without the loving support of my family, especially my mom and dad who have never let me down.
I know that God loves me and will provide for me, He always has. But, it continues to be the things that I don't know that are really getting to me...
How do I ensure that I'm doing everything "right" as a parent?
How do I instill a love for the Catholic Church in my children so they never leave?
When will we be able to move closer to family, church, and school for the girls?
But in particular, will we ever be able to have more children? What is God's plan for our family? These questions weigh me down more than I ever dreamed was possible. Sometimes the grief of infertility overwhelms me. (I don't even like to say the word!)
I believe that God will provide for me...but what if His plan isn't the same as mine? And how do I conform my will to His?
I want to. I know that I want to do God's will. That I want to happily, peacefully, follow my Lord wherever He takes me.
So, that will be my new prayer. That the Lord would conform my heart to His.
Make me more like you, Lord.
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